today i went to the optometrist. my eyesight somehow got better. its neutralizing accordign to what my friend told me which is cool. im still nearsighted but its neat that eyes can do that. anatomy is so cool, it makes me wanna throw up though so i could never be a doctor. anyways, apparently my current prescription is too strong. my optometrist had a funny name. i wont say it for safety sake but i was like huh. thats a name people can have? retweet i guess. anyways im getting ray bans again. im going back to my thick rimmed glasses roots. my current glasses are kind of queer looking LOL. i tried playing limbus company in the waiting room. my phone screen is so tiny and thus the ui on it is tiny as well i could barely read the passives and stats and numbers.

limbus company has consumed me i think. im trying so hard to stick with genshin but oh my god. limbus. FUCK. LIMBUS COMPANY. GREGORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. SINCLAAAAIIIIRRRR. DEMIAAAAAAN. RODIOOON. ITS OVER. ITS SO OVER. MY LIFE IS FUCKED. im so obsessed with demian and sinclair. sorry. i made a playlist with my friends. ive been looping it. im going to draw demian/sinclair ship art. soon. someday. I NEED TO MAKE SOMETHING. IM SORRY. FUCK. I LOVE LIMBUS COMPANY. I DATAMINED A MILLION ASSETS AND DUMPED IT ON TUMBLR AND NOW MY NOTIFS ARE FUCKED UP FOR LIFE. i love demisin i love demian i love sinclair I LOVE LIMBUS COMPANY I LOVE YOU heres the playlist BTW. DISCLAIMER: I HAVENT READ DEMIAN. I HAVENT FINISHED CHAPTER 3 (THE BOSS FIGHT IS BEATING MY ASS SO HARD). IF I MISINTERPRET SOMETHING PLEASE KILL ME DEAD. THX.

i. changed my entire layout. on steam. to be limbus company. im so fucked ITS SO OVER LOOK AT THISSSS FUCKKKK ITS SO OVER.

im normal, by the way. if you couldnt tell. sometimes i think im normal but then i rememebr im autistic or something HAHAHAHA. autistic among other secret things that i may or may not have that affect me badly but if i admit that ill kill myself. WANNA SEE MY SMASH OR PASS PIC I MADE FOR LIMBUS COMPANY HERE CHECK IT OUT

this week i kind of sat around on my ass all day. I LOVE BEING UNEMPLOYED AND HAVING ONLINE CLASSES. I LOVE VIDOE GAME. I LOVE MUSIC. im tired im going bed now before i stay up till 5 again MY SLEEP SCHEDULE HAS BEEN A LITTLE FUCKED BUT ITS NOTHIGN MELATONIN CANT FIX..

sometimes i feel like a bad friend. well no i dont but idk. i dont know if im good at comforting people. my words arent empty but i always seek a solution instead of giving reassurance and words of comfort when needed. im trying to do better now. a friend of mine that ive known for (checks calendar) around 3 years now is doing pretty bad. im trying to be there for him. im stepping out of my comfort zone too! i dont usually talk in servers that arent my own or populated by many people i know. but i want to be there for him. i hope im helping somewhat. thats my angst for the entry i guess. no other worries i think.

ui honest to god forgot february was a short month. ive been alive for almost 20 years and it still surprises me each time, just like how every year im surprised that winter months exist past january.

ive been chilling, but the past week was busy. i finally finished my game and im so happy with how it turned out . ive talked enough about that in my devlog though. its gonna be a while before i work on my next game. i wanna indulge in my ocs more.

limbus company came out. LIMBUS SWEEP. YES I WILL PLAY THE PROJECT MOON GAME FOR THE L-CORP CONNECTIONS DESPITE THE FACT ITS GACHA. i already have over 24 hrs on it LOL fuck im so fucked IM SO FUCKED AUGDFUHIUDFHIJD its taking everything in me not to change my steam layout AGAINE i love after god but ahhh its calling for me ITS CALLING FOR ME THE LIMBUS LAYOUT AUGH

I've been an observer to something lately. i wont really describe it too much but i wanna make note of my feelings on it. there's a trait in people that i admire and i guess am sort of drawn to. its never been expressed Towards me though, maybe for the better now that i think about it. with certain things coming to light and seeing the worst possible side of it, it really does make me reflect. maybe all i really need is to love myself more and not worry about relationships all that much. im a hopeless romantic. i always will be. i will always want to be drowned in love as much as i drown the people i love in it. however, people will naturally get drawn into conflict with one another because we are all different. the last time i felt like i had met my soulmate i got the carpet pulled out from under me. at the time i was really hurt. so much that i went fucking psycho mode and did a bunch of ridiculous shit in the aftermath. looking back i understand now. there isn't a single person that will ever understand me. there isnt a single person on this planet attuned to my soul and likeness. do i want a mirror? or do i want someone that complements me? am i gonna be alone forever? and the answer is well. no. im not. im not even alone. im surrounded by such wonderful people. i have great friends. fixating on what i dont have doesnt make me get it sooner, and at worst it can drive me to make hasty decisions. i dont want that. good things are coming, i think. despite my doubts and skepticism, i will always believe in a better tomorrow and a better future for myself. things will fall into place by themselves and ill be there for it.

wow thats a lot of text that basically says 'i kind of want a partner but i should love myself first'. im so fucked. anyways.

i have a sort of routine now. every wednesday ill dedicate it to doing my schoolwork. just fuck it all. get it all out of the way. you may be thinking. jordan this was written at 3 in the morning on wednesday. and to that i say. yeah. dont worry about it.

ive been itching to draw a new persona. with limbus company coming out, i went back and did a bunch of lobcorp nugget picrews. i wanna make a new persona. every year. new one every year. i will NEVER be consistent with how i perceive myself. ever. but still, i wanna draw. i just need that Push yknow?

febuary was pretty good. i hope march is kind to me. why do so many people i know have birthdays in march? goodness. the thing i ordered is gonna be here within 10 days. im so fucking excited that it makes me SICK.

to close this off, i have a playlist that i update every now and then with songs that i connect to in one way or another. it turns two years old soon. theres a lot of songs in it. wow. unfortunately, all of these mean something to me one way or another so i cant remove any of them or ill lose a piece of myself and die. TAKE A LOOK Y'ALL