2/27/24 12:21am

long time no update! lets go down the list of what i can recall for this month.

had a LOT of dental visits this month, i have a lot of cavities.. damn those twitter users were not lying, depression can make you depressed! im doing okay though, for the most part.

work is going okay! time passes pretty fast honestly, i didnt even realize it was the end of the month until it was.. the end of the month! im gonna skip friday, since thats the day i have surgery for my wisdom teeth. im getting all of them taken out!! yikes!!!!

i bought the galaxy earpods pro2, theyre pretty nice! i think the apple airpod pros 2 have better noise cancelling though, and also the galaxy earpods took SO long to arrive!! i got a refund on it though, so i basically got them for free..? dunno how that worked out.

also, at some point i started playing dead plate! i really liked it, as mid as it was. its a shame that the fandom consists mostly of 13-15 year olds that also like roblox and south park, so i will keep to my circle and just draw my fanart.

limbus company is one year old today, too! i dont have anything particularly corny or cheesy to say, its just.. wow, a lot can happen ina year, huh? i really love limbus, and im excited to see whats in store for next year.

i need to update my doll diary soon, i got a new backpack to hold my dolls and it looks so cool, i love it. currently waiting on some more stuff from korea to be delivered as well.

i still dont really feel like an adult.. im gonna get a credit card soon though! and ive been contributing to a savings account as well. i really love my friends and all the people ive met over the past year are so kind and great.

discord links broke too, i have to get around to fixing a LOT of links.. ill do that slowly, though haha.

lastly, i started playing chaos head noah today, im really enjoying it so far. i bought it on impulse because i saw a really funny tweet about it. i also watched a video about this guy who played an hour of every game he never tried but bought. i should do that..

music.. music music music. i finished caligula 2 this month, so song for this entry is caligula! i love kobato. i wanna own all his merch..

1/28/24 9:10PM

man, time flies fast when you have a job and also when you are busy and also also also also. autism can cost a family hundreds man. this doll shit gets SERIOUSSSS i made a whole page on it!!!!!! but ahh i love them so much.. ive also been buying more secondhand limbus merch i love limbus company so much *THROWS UP EVERYWHERE*

work is going okay!!! my co workers are so cool and awesome and i love humanity and being a person. the almost 10 hour shifts dont even feel like 10 hours sometimes! i do miss my friends dearly but i love them and will always be able to talk to them despite how busy i get.

not much to really write about honestly, life is pretty good. i reread demian during work a while ago and it's still really good. i gotta get around to finishing wuthering heights though haha.

kyaaa music music music i wanna go to a concert but im now realizing how many concerts occur when i have work.. sad! oh well, theres always next time and im sure ill be able to go eventually. i also want to go to conventions now that i have money!! aaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! i wanna see my friends too!! amtrak is amazing..

tomorrow im gonna go get fillings because i have cavities, then I have to go for an appointment to get my wisdom teeth checked out. im gonna have to miss a day of work because the place taking my teeth out only does surgeries on thursday and friday.. wah.. oh well.

u mmm what else. nothing much really.. the self-insert webring news is kind of sad so ill talk about that i guess. as the site says, "The Self-Insert Webring will be closing to new members on Sunday, February 25th, and will no longer be updated ..." im kind of sad about that. i was a member on the v1 edition of it, and while im glad to see more people getting into self-insert/yume/ocxcanon its sad to see that it's been a little derailed when v2 came out. some of the people on there don't even do self-insert/yume/etc, and some of them dont even have a website! like!! come on!! ahhhh but whatever, people can do what they want, i just like to complain. i hope if a new webring like the self-insert webring pops up it'll have stricter rules.

aaaand thats all i wanted to talk about i think! yup. heres music i like right now

1/8/24 11:32PM

2024 is going okay i guess. stressful first week, but im sure things will start looking up soon. my dog had a surgery today for an abscess removal, i was able to pay it off in full with my own money! im definitely gonna be applying for pet insurance at my work since its offered, though.. yipes.

kehmgh. what else. thats about it, really.. ive been commissioning a lot of art though. im currently on the hunt for a 20cm yi sang doll, specifically one designed by NPD. praying i can get one, hehe. i wanna buy more clothes for my dolls, too. and also buy a 10cm and 5cm of sinclair and demian and yi sang.. lol

also fuckkkkk i love hermann hesse.. i wanna buy more books!! i should probably finish the ones on my shelf first, though.. weh.

ive been really repulsed by most things recently. i dont care for people that im not already close with, and i cant even pretend to care!!! im sure this feeling will pass, but mannnn omg. i feel so volatile. i just wanna isolate from everyone i havent known for years. but thats selfish i guess and i have to be a good person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so. yup.

work is going fine.

i ordered some official limbus merch off proxy sites and they arrived!! they come with pins, im still figuring out how i want to display them.. the pins look so cool T_T if i ever lost them id kill myself. and the stands!!! so cutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im just waiting on an order from aliexpress now. its been stuck in customs for like a week... weh. hopefully that clears up soon.

not much else to talk about, really .. here's a song ive liked a lot recently!!

12/30/23 8:35AM

theyre making me a permanent hire at work.. im no longer seasonal.. wahhh the woes of being cute nice and also perfect and also wonderful to be around... i forget that im likable irl sometimes.. whatevrer its okay, i dont really mind it. i actually kind of like my job sometimes!

im going to vegas again for the new years and then i have to go right back to work on tuesday LOL

i dont have much else to say, just wanted to get this entry out before the year ends. i finished my list of accomplishments though! yipee! can you believe its been so long already? my year in pixels this year is really funny LOL

i hope everyone has a good new year (:

12/25/23 11:07PM

merry christmas, and happy holidays! i havent journaled in so long because i am so busy. so, ill recap the months ive missed.

september was fine, nothing special happened. october was.. alright? i guess? i had some low points. i <3 the anniversary effect, it makes living so great (-: [LYING]. i saw the fnaf movie with my friends, that was really fun!!!!! i also went trick or treating with my mom, i love candy..

november was eventful. i got a job, my first day being later in the month. i was interviewed and got the job! i.. think my job is fine. i work about 10 hours a day, full-time hours. its.. really tiring. but fuckkkk, money is so good. i spent my first paycheck buying christmas presents for my family, then on myself, and now im saving up for surgery for one of my dogs. my co-workers are also really kind and nice to me, im grateful. i miss my friends though.

i also applied to university! i figured out what i want to study now. computer science. i cant believe it took me this long to figure things out, haha.. i look forward to it.

i've been indulging my hobbies throughout this time. i have a sinclair and demian (limbus) 20cm dolls now. its so fun to dress them up and take pictures.. its like i understand everything now. i also made kromer, sinclair, and demian cardboard cutouts. been reading, too! right now ive been reading the trial by kafka recently. i bring it to work to read when im bored.

honestly, i'm doing.. fine. ive felt alright. i went to a concert recently, i made a whole spiral page on that! ive also been in a relationship for about three months now, its going okay i think. im still figuring myself out though. im so ambivalent and jaded to the point i seem like a chill, patient guy but in actuality i just.. don't care. i don't care about anything anymore. at least, thats how i put it into words. i feel a lot, and nothing and everything all at the same time. i can't put it in sufficient words, how i feel and whatnot. i love my friends more than anything, like always. and thats all that really matters to me in the end. it's hard to explain, but i feel more guilt over feeling nothing than the fact i feel nothing. like, i feel bad for being abnormal. which, to be fair, is good. its good to be aware, but i dont know how to force myself to truly care about others. for now, i've just been doing what i *think* a good person would do, and acting accordingly. its probably fake as fuck of me to do but.. i dont know what else to do other than pretend to be an ideal person towards others. is this a weird autism masking thing, or something else? or am i just a bad person at my core? ...i dont care enough to find out. ill keep doing it, it's been getting me by just fine, so.. yeah.

ill make a page detailing my 2023 achievements like i did last year, but this is likely my last entry for the year. hooray <3.