4/30/2023 7:15PM
the month of april has come to an end. kind of eventful, some bad things happened and i had a drop in my mood but im optimistic. fixation on limbus is still goingstrong. honkai star rail came out recently and ive been giving it a try. im not very attached to honkai so i dont really get most of whats happening but its a very pretty game and quite fun! unfortunately it is a lot of reading like genshin. i need stimulation I NEED DOPAMINE I NEED LIMBUS GRAHHHH but im still enjoying things i need himeko so bad i also want blade i got a 5 star already. clara. i like the robot but im not a fan of her being barefoot and also a googoo gaga babything.

the waterparks concert was really fun! opening band was mid. and then HUNNY was.. they were ok! they were missing their drummer because they slipped a disk or something so it was kind of like.. idk it was like karaoke lol?? but fuckk i love the songs. i didnt expect them to sound like that live. and waterparks was just. so fucking good. fuck. really fun, i loved it so much and i felt so alive. i wasnt in the crowd, mostly on the sidelines with my mom but still. i kept getting scared that i was making eye contact with awsten but im probably overthinking. im not even a huge waterparks fan I WENT FOR HUNNY but i have a newfound admiration for some songs and how hype the crowd got. the set was also really cool. i took a few videos so i might make a page for that later. i wanna go to more concerts now, it was so fun.. i hope my mom had fun too.

um. what else. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh yeah mmd i got really crazy after getting these really nice models of demian and sinclair that i even went and revamped my mmd page. i like how it turned out a lot!

my impulse buy also arrived early! it's a body pillow of demian and sinclair. the quality was really surprising, it feels really nice! i just slipped it over my xiao pillow since i didnt really like the material on it too much. my bed is so comfy im very happy.

my sleep schedule has been SO messy and my arm still hurts. when im sad i jerk off and ive been kinda sad lately. but my overall mood has been pretty okay! this sure was a month! the weather is finally hitting the 80s im so fucking happy about that yayyy!! i hope i can get a haircut soon, i trimmed my bangs a bit and now i need to stop myself from giving myself a shitty haircut LOL. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. what else. oh my friend got me a free nitro trial. thats cool! um um what else.. thjats all i think. ill close this off with a waterparks song i like sorry i cant stop thinking about the concert. lol

4/24/2023 12:52PM
whoops, no entry for 10 days! this is because i do nothing all day everyday other than play limbus company. ive been rereading demian again, ive read it about five times now? its such a good book idc idc I LOVE IT. I should read hesse's other works tbh. i saw a post that was like "does every hermann hesse describe a mans face like that" AND FUCKKK IT WAS SO FUNNY TO ME. also ive been abusing my printer pribiliges, i printed out a sinclair d20. its kinda scuffed but i love it. i also bought a pop it and monitor shelf stand its really useful and now my neck posture is a bit better!

im graduating and im so excited. i found out im eligible for TWO associate degrees LIKE WHATTTTTT MY MOM WAS SO PROUD and my dad was a cunty little BITCH about it because i told him when he was having a mood swing about my brother hes such a bitch i hate him why cant he be happy for me for once have a little fucking whimsy in your life you asshole if i had it my way i wouldnt let you attend my graduation but whatever its my dad thats family i guess whatever anyways im so happy and proud of myself im excited to learn how to drive and life is so lovely right now i mean my mood in general has just been Fine lol

I LOVE ATTENTIONNNNNN FUCKKKK BUT ALSO IM ALMOST TO 500 FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER AND I JOKED ID DEACTIVATE WHEN I GOT TO THAT POINT but i dont know if its a joke anymore i get attention but sometimes its so anxiety inducing because im scared people from my past are stalking me and seeing my posts THEYCOULD BE READING THIS JOURNAL ENTRY TOO thats partially why i havent been making as many entries. depression too i guess. its a lot of things actually. but yeah anyways twitter im not too anxious i just. idk it enables me so yeah LOL

oshi no ko anime came out. its really pretty and it made me catch up on the manga. its mid. sorry. its mid. the visuals and art and stuff are sooo pretty BUT THE STORY IS SO MEDIOCRE. whatever idc that much like im gonna watch it anyways so whaterver. i have a lot of manga to catch up on too ive been so absorbed in limbus LOL fuck i love limbus im so fucking excited augh AUGH AUIRUSIFUSIFHSIJFHSK sorry whosaid that

4/14/2023 12:13AM
today i didnt do much, that goes for the past week really. i didnt know i was on spring break.. i was anxious to do work and then i saw it was break and i was like ohhhh. anyways my sleep schedule is fucked. i just finished making a character playlist thats 9 hours long. i also wrote backstory stuff for tree, my limbus company oc. i joined an OC server and i enjoy it.. im just anxious around So Many new people hahahahaha but im having fun i like talking about my characters and im grateful to my mutual for making the server, it really encouraged me to work more on my ocs

sorry, i dont really have much to say. ive just been doing ok. im living. surviving, even. nothing bad happened

i played some genshin today, i did nahidas new story quest. i liked it a lot. lots of lore. i hope i can get back into genshin exploration now that i achieved my sub100 run on limbus company. i did refraction railway in 91 turns! im so proud of myself! yay!

um. what else. i dont know. ive been so fixated on limbus. i wanna reread demian by hermann hesse. the weather is getting warmer, im excited for sunny days

im doing ok. i dunno what to say. heres the playlist i made for tree, i might update his oc page with his backstory and playlist soon. heres his backstory doc too, why not
4/8/2023 5:59PM
i love. limbus company. its gotten to the opoint where i'm actively engaging with fan community discords because i need help from beyond my circle of friends and also i like data/ i LOVE data. i made a spreadsheet of people's runs to calculate the average amount of turns it takes to finish the new end game content and then used that as a reference on MY OWN run. i spent. so long. playing the new end game content. I DIDNT SLEEP FOR LIKE, ALMOST AN ENTIRE DAY. MY SCHEDULE FOR ABOUT THREE DAYS STRAIGHT WAS WAKE UP -> PLAY LIMBUS -> EAT -> CONTINUE PLAYING LIMBUS AND INBETWEEN ID FIT GENSHIN AND HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS. THIS LASTED FROM ABOUT APRIL 5 8:35PM UNTIL TODAY, APRIL 8 10 AM. MY SLEEP SCHEDULE IS IN SUCH DISARRAY RIGHT NOW ITS CRAZY. BUT FUCK IT WAS SO FUN. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUN. IT WAS SO DIFFICULT AND I FELT LIKE I WAS RELEARNING COMBAT MECHANICS AND I HAD TO READ SO MUCH FUCKKK IT WAS SO FUN. One of my favorite things about limbus company is that i really do feel like a manager cheering them on. library of ruina had a LOT less luck and RNG involved. it was more strategy than a lucky dice-rolling game. with limbus i have to pray they land heads on coin-flips and i feel like im seriously cheering them on to fight AND THEN STRATEGIZING WHICH SKILLS TO USE AND WHEN TO USE DEFENSIVE SKILLS AUGHHHHHH ITS SO GOOD FUCK ITS SO GOOD. i literally. i almost missed a day of logging into genshin because of limbus. thats how badly its affecting me. im having like, a moment of clarity. i still LOVE genshin dont get me wrong but oh my GOD. I LOVE PROJECT MOON. SO FUCKING MUCH. AUGH. AUGH. AUGH.

theres my autistic ranting out of the way. how is my april going so far? its fine. yep. outside of limbus its fine.. a neutral flat mood is much better than constant crying spells and obsessive thoughts of revenge or suicidal depressive spirals

the weather is finally FINALLY warming up, ive just been sitting in my backyard recently enjoying the sun. i see why old people like sitting on the porch and shit now because damnnnnn im having a fucking ball on this bitch maybe all everyone needs is to sit outside in the sun with a dog. thatll fix a lot of hatred in the world.

my concert is this month and im really looking forward to it i love music sorry i paused in the middler of writing this to talk about warrior cats with a friend. im really looking forward to reading the new starless clan books i also have to get around to dawn of the clans since i havent read those yet and my friends (three different people have said this) say that ill enjoy clear sky's character because hes like komaeda and kokichi from danganronpa in the way (direct quote from a friend) "He propels the plot like Komaeda, while he acts more like Kokichi where he deceives and lives amongst his own beliefs built upon his trauma" and that really gets me interested. too bad im hyperfixated on limbus and reading classic literature instead of warrior cats. although both are classic literature as far as im concerned.

have i ever written down my thoughts on demian by herman hesse..? i liked it a lot. definitely my favorite so far. book is gay as fuck and the search for individuality and overcoming hardship to become your own person is so. ough . i like it a lot. and even then IT'S YAOI. COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR OWN BISEXUALITY BRO ITS OK TO LIKE MEN. ugh i gotta read hesse's other works once i finish the other books on my reading list. my friend inspired me to make a goodreads account since i LOVE tracking things. seeing a line of warrior cats books and then just. demian by herman hesse. in my favorites is so fucking funny LOL

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what else. i thinnnnnk thats all? no angst for this entry im feeling pretty good honestly. actually wait kinda. i learned MORE things about people that arent in my life anymore and its just like. ok. i have to live with this knowledge now i guess. also i ended up seeing the dick of someone i knew. never be curious guys. the saying is true.. curiousity really did kill the cat. i wish people wouldnt bring this shit up anymore bc i rlly dont care about it anymore like fuckkkkkkk bro I DONT CARE!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP BRINGING IT UP ALREADY!!! ITS IN THE PAST NO AMOUNT OF REMINISCING WILL CHANGE ANYTHING! i started a time logger that i reset for everytime shit from the past that doesnt matter and pisses me off gets brought up. longest its gone is eight days btw. like damn bitch SHUT UP!! IM TRYING TO MOVE ON BUT ITS HARD TO DO SO WHEN IM CONSTANTLY REMINDED I FEEL LIKE IM BACK IN 2021 BRUH i love my friends though im not really that mad at me its just annoying i guess and im sure in time we'll forget some things ever happened

quick thoughts before i end it LIGHTNING ROUND BABY i need to get my printer taken away from me. my ankle hurts. im still kinda sleepy i might lay down after this. rest in peace verine bot. I GOTTA WATCH NEW ENSEMBLE STARS AND DO PULLIES. im excited for baizhu. ive been slacking on genshin a lot lately tho. LIMBUS COMPANAYYYYYYYYYYY. maybe i should make a limbus page. i might switch from neocities to netlify but im not sure yet. ok, thats all!
4/2/2023 11:57AM
good morning! its a new month, yay! you may be wondering how march was. it was fine. pretty good near the second half. i was soooooooooo stable. and also so hyperfixated on limbus. ive also been pretty scatterbrained hence the lack of entries! not because im paranoid or anything. no. anyways limbus. project moon as a whole! i... kind of wanna 100% library of ruina. its agony so far. fuck this game. maybe i shouldnt have finished the game with cheats because i do NOT remember some mechanics. i had to look up like eight hundred guides for purple tear and and arbiter. like damn bitch CHILL. after i get what i can i think im gonna replay the whole game anyways because like. i need the other ending where roland and angela dont forgive eachother LOL im a little over halfway though, with 49/76 cheevos being gotten. yey!

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dont really have much to say about this month. yesterday i was ayin on discord and twitter. i ended up breaking past 400 followers because of ayin. im almost to 500 and when i peak 500 and break my old account record its so joever. hopefully i wont cave in. im kind of a paranoid person but hey it's to be expected so like, whatever. i need to stop getting infatuated with people. that thought is completely unrelated im not even in love with anyone i dont know why i said that. between two worlds is now my most listened to album according to lastfm. it's so over ITS SO OVER cupid by jack stauber is so good omfg HOW COULD. CUPID. HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRU-U-U-UEL!

maybe i should make a visual diary but idk itd be too much of a pain to update its like how i have a genshin diary but that fell off because im too fixated on limbus now but im still autistic about genshin do NOT get me wrong i just dont care about the flopmeru cast BAIZHU IS SOON I HAVE 100+ WISHIES FOR HIM IM SO EXCITED YAY but yeah i forgot where i was going with this oops

i wanna get a haircut T_T maybe in may? but i want it cut before my concert too. wehhh. i dont want my layers to grow in before my trip to the philippines MY RELATIVES ARE GONNA THINK IM SUCH A FAG OOPS i dont care actually let them think what they want what are they gonna do call me gay I AM GAY I AM GAY I AM A GAY FAGGOT TRANSEXUAL. lol

ummmmmmm no real angst for this entry just general paranoia HERE'S MY ON REPEAT