8/24/22 11:00PM

i went to my first in-person class today. it was okay. i met someone and they asked for my discord. they're into game design and i think that's super cool. i haven't been around normal people in so long lololol.

new milgram mv came out early this morning as well, i love it a lot. waiting on the voice drama till i cast my vote, i'm honestly very conflicted haha..haruka is kinda nuts! im so mad i have to wait until september to get all-knowing all-agony on spotify..the music video quality really ramped up this trial. i love it a lot. i'm particularly fond of the glitchy frames! i have a tumblr post here with my favorite frames.

sumeru also came out yesterday. i..surprisingly liked how the archon quest played out. i have a few minor complaints (the ""time loop"" part got a little tedious) but I really do like how it all panned out. i also really like exploring. i remembered that i registered for the twitch streaming rewards so i plan to stream on twitch tomorrow lol.. the afterl!fe assets i downloaded came in handy because i made myself a little verine pngtuber. i hope this isn't illegal or anything.

umm..what else lol.. my game hit 800 downloads today. it's incredible how much it blew up. i'm really happy and also nervous hahaha. it motivates me to make a more fleshed out game with morgan lol..i mean, i already have sort of an outline planned out in twine. i just have to get around to writing and drawing it. i dunno..i didn't expect it to blow up this month, again i'm really happy it did and i'm so grateful for my friends and their support towards it.

i really wanna get around to making new shrines...wehhh...

8/22/22 9:02PM

my college classes started today. i only have 2.5 courses right now but ill get more in october. kinda anxious about it but i'll be okay! also the drip marketing for 3.0 genshin characters came out. free blocklist! i love blocking people on twitter. its actually insane how disappointing it is that hoyoverse is sticking to one tan skin-tone. i saw a really good edit earlier ive been seeing so many candace edits that when i look at the actual character i feel like i got flashbanged. its so so disappointing, especially since i really like characters that have heterophobic eyes.

in other news, the game i made 2 days ago has gotten so many downloads. as of writing this entry it has 392 downloads! holy fucking shit! thats a lot of people! some people even made youtube videos on morgan, im seriously so honored! i'm seriously considering making a sequel or more polished version now. my friends also really like morgan too! i dunno, i'm really happy about this ahaha. i didn't expect so many people to like my game which is!!! wow!!!! ahahaha. im really grateful.

i keep joking about it, but i did intend oliver to be a bit autistic. i even gave him a few of my own autism traits lol (studying facial expressions/little to no expressiveness unless masking). actually, all my ocs are autistic one way or another. what makes oliver a bad person isn't that he's on the spectrum, but it's the fact that he kills people (murder is bad after all). it's okay though, i see oliver the same way i see kurt kunkle. i COULD fix him but whatever is wrong with him is just way funnier.

also, i've been watching a lot of mysta rias lately. he's really funny. hahaha. i can't deny it anymore, i genuinely enjoy his content! please dont be racist or something please please please.

8/20/22 1:57AM

big journal post today everyone. i made a game. thats right baby. i spent the last 3 days making a visual novel about a stalker replacing your counselor. its short. i wanted to make one for funsies and try out flag setting stuff in renpy. check it out. give me criticism too. even if its harsh. this is the first thing i ever made that's like this. i had fun making it. lol.

with that aside, here's the mundane stuff. i started playing mystic messenger. i think zen is hilarious. i could fix him, but whatever's wrong with him is way funnier. hopefully i can finish this. i was never a fan of timegated games like these. the only other game i ever played that was like this was love unholyc. that game was..okay. i like the characters. the story was alright. i also signed up for the genshin twitch streamer thing. the plan is to stream my friends and i joining random people and being insane towards them. really fun!

that's pretty much it. bye.

8/17/22 12:18AM

Pretty okay day today. Mostly kept to myself but I did some aggie.io drawing with my friends in call so that was fun. I kinda just sat on my ass all day, hahahahaha. I also watched some youtube and tiktok. I've been watching a lot of this enVtuber called Mysta Rias. I hope he doesn't end up being secretly racist or something. His genshin vods are entertaining to watch so yeah.. I also reread a manga today. Fun? I guess? Today felt pretty aimless but that's okay. Here's the drawing I made in aggie.io with my friends. It's Heizou and Aether. Happy yaoi friday, everyone. (It's not Friday)

8/15/22 9:00PM

Warning, this one starts off as a vent (transphobia stuff). Keep yourself safe if you're sensitive to that.

Anyways, two days ago I talked to my parents about transitioning. I've been out as transgender to them for over a year now. I sort of just..dropped it on them after hitting a breaking point during graduation yearbook pictures. Last night was when I really like..talked about it to them. Specifically testosterone and how I'll pay for my own name change. I asked them since i'm turning 20 next year if they could help me get my name changed on my documents and stuff and ill pay for it with stock market money while i start working out to be more healthy. they went off on a tangent about how there's steps to this process and that first i finish school and then get drivers license and then job and then be stable and then i can start getting healthy and then start medically transitioning yadda yadda and i was just like.. Yeah I Get It I Guess. Then my dad (Specifically my dad, my mom just sat there presumably agreeing with them) was like you know people regret this stuff and you shouldn't confine yourself to what your friends do or videos you see online (note; i did not once mention my friends or videos i saw this entire conversation) and that i should go out and live life offline/leave my computer stuff alone and then he was like those people arent your family sure you can adopt kids but those will never be your real family (note 2: i never once mentioned my relationships/sexuality or having kids) and i was like. Okay man. I understand their viewpoint, there's tons of misinformation online about transitioning and stuff! I get it! But it's still..Man. I don't think I could educate them even if I tried. I know they want me to grow up a little bit and live a little but that..Isn't going to change how I feel? I've felt this way as far back as I could remember. It hasn't wavered in the slightest. At the end of all that my mom was like "So what did you think of our conversation about all that" and I was like "Ok well I'm a little upset. But I'll get over it" (rare jordan honesty moment with parent)(totally doesnt backfire) and she was like ok well why and i was like "At the very least. I want you to call me by Jordan at home" and she was like No because thats what your friends and stuff will call you. You will always be our daughter deadname to us. its a process for us too you know. Which Okay I Understand The Process Part. But the rest of that made me actually shake with rage. I was crying this entire conversation, by the way. My anxiety skyrockets when it comes to talking to my parents (specifically with my dad) about serious things. There's definitely a reason for that but I don't care enough to do self-reflection on that. I'm kind of pathetic Lol.

Anyways, that was a few days ago! What did Jordan do TODAY? I finished Mayoiga, you can find my thoughts on that on the media page. It sucked but I enjoyed it. I also went outside! It's Jun Sazanami's birthday so I wanted to take pictures. It was really warm out. I laid in the grass and napped while listening to music. Really fun! I was there for like, an hour. There was a family and I felt a little embarassed about walking around the park to take pictures of my anime boy plush. Hahahaha. I've been thinking about Heizou a lot. I like Heizou a lot. I've been listening to those character playlists on YouTube to find new music and think about Heizou. I really like Detective Detective by Static-P. I'm so excited for the 3.0 update, I can't wait to hear the new music and explore! Also Scaramouche banner. He's gonna be playable, right bros? Smiles. I also updated the site today, ahaha. I love the new Journal page. Do you like it too? I love my friends so much. To close this off, here's a picture I took at the park!

8/13/22 4:15AM

Pretty chill day. I drew a self-insert genshin oc sona thing and had fun until i opened blender. people that can use blender are truly gods strongest warriors. i think ill stick to drawing for now. ive been thinking about heizou a lot recently. i like him a lot. i started a new anime today, it sucks but its entertaining. its called mayoiga. i honest to god cant remember when it got into my plan to watch on myanimelist but its there so ill watch it now i guess. i had a breakdown last night over transitioning. i think ill talk to my mom about it when she gets home. im writing this as i wait for the 3.0 trailer for genshin. im excited, sort of. oh, i tried tower of fantasy. it sucked, i don't like it. maybe wuthering waves will be better? who knows. i feel kinda aimless right now..school is starting soon and i need to buy textbooks. im mostly waiting for the program im in to send me money to buy it. why are books so expensive? lol. uhh what else..thats it honestly. i cant believe ive been journaling and stuff for over a month now. thats really cool. ill have to make sections for this stuff soon. ahahaha. my art gallery isnt up yet so ill show you guys my little genshin self insert oc sketch. its a work in progress.

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8/10/22 4:00AM

Uhh, didn't do much today. Mostly chilled out and reread a few webtoons while trying to compile a reccomendation list for my friend. I hate The Abandoned Empress. I need to add it to my media list but god damn they did Allendis so dirty. Don't get me wrong, I usually dislike when yandere characters end up happy/winning but MANNN omg. He's in the cover art, he is in the beginning cover art of EVERY CHAPTER (up until like, 80 or 90 chapters in) WHY ARE YOU BAITING IT LIKE THIS WHEN HE ISN'T EVEN THE MAIN MALE LEAD? I HATE YOU SO MUCH. Allendis my poor insane son. You deserved so much better (not really) I'm gonna get you out of there.

but yeah, didn't really do much today. its also 4 am. i didn't eat dinner. i had 2 hotdogs and 4 scoops of rice throughout the day too. Uhh, im not very healthy am i. i'm actually kind of a mess right now. i'm so so tired. not to get too venty but i feel like i'm going to die soon. i'll be fine though so don't worry too much, just going through it yknow.

i wish i could have gone to that omori exhibit in alhambra. its only an hour away. my friend has been sending pictures of it and it looks so cool. i'm not supposed to leave the house right now, yknow with my parents being out and all. but man, i hope i get an oppurtunity to engage with my interests irl soon. hahahaha. anyways, no picture today. sorry, i don't have anything interesting to really show today.. so here's a song i've been listening to instead.

8/9/22 6:35PM

Omg? WHat's this?? A journal entry at a reasonable time of day?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT THE HELL???????? No but seriously, I'm only making an entry right now because i woke up like an hour ago. My parents went on their trip and my sleep schedule is absolutely destroyed. I had like, one full meal yesterday. I've also been pretty focused on editing the site and totally not suffering cuz of it! I wanna add two subsections for the art gallery: my drawings and then models (MMD/VRChat). I hope CORPORATION doesn't snipe me. Do you think if I say it's fanmade they'd let it slide?

Anyways the past three days have been okay. I played ponytown with my friends, watched the revue movie..I've just been chilling for the most part. My lying streak on Genshin is catching up with me though, while I was playing as JASON someone i friended joined and i dont think they know that i was fucking around with them. Oh well I guess. This entry is pretty short huh. Here's a video of me one-punching an unusual hilichurl. I'm trying to get the achievement for killing 50 of them so I've been world-hopping every now and then to get them. Ignore the background audio, my friends were talking about Guilty Gear lore.

8/6/22 12:55AM

this one starts off a bit venty. sorry. today had a rough start. i wasn't warned atleast 16 hours in advance that i'd be accompanying my grandma to the store and thus had an abrupt awakening at 9AM (for reference, i fell asleep at around 3AM.) i've been really paranoid about getting monkeypox too, so imagine a cramped filipino store on a friday with lots of people. my anxiety was through the roof, i was incredibly irritated because this wasn't accounted for in my schedule and also i had no time to change (i went in with the clothes i slept in). not to mention my brother telling me to buy something from another store over. he wanted me to buy our dad a "fish breakfast plate" but i didn't know what that was and it wasn't on the menu. ended up buying several styrofoam plates and only one fish. he could have just said a plate wish fish on it. i got yelled at for being stupid. not my fault, my brain was fried. i passed out as soon as we got home.

when i woke up things were a little better. i did my dailies on genshin and worked a bit on a prologue for the dating sim, and then made a new spotify playlist (link if anyone cares.) the hours blurred by until i got in call with some friends. we hunted unusual hilichurls while larping with random people. i usually put on a persona and specific profile layout so that people let me into their worlds. it's really fun. after that we played ponytown and made ponies. i made ren and redacted from 14 days with you and my friends made characters from the your boyfriend game. NOTE: WE HATE THESE GAMES (ESPECIALLY YOUR BOYFRIEND). WE JUST THINK IT'S REALLY FUNNY TO LAUGH AT. DO NOT ASSUME WE SUPPORT THOSE GAMES. ALSO IT'S A PONY GAME, WHY WOULD WE BE SERIOUS ON THIS GAME. Anyways my friend got a death threat for making their your boyfriend pony ugly. it was kinda funny that they got mad at this. after ponytown we hopped to another call to watch my little pony. now i'm here editing my site. yipee!

my parents are going on a trip to canada. i was invited to come but since they'll be in a different part than where my best friend lives i turned them down. also my passport expired. also monkeypox paranoia. also im still recovering from the trip to hawaii. they'll be back on the 13th/14th so it'll just be me, my brother, and my grandparents. don't know what i'll be doing during the week but i'm sure i'll be fine. i still get anxious knowing that my parents will be away for a while. i think i'm a bit clingy. and also really sensitive. not my fault. i'll end this entry off with a screenshot i took with my friend in genshin.

8/5/22 1:39AM

mostly spent today cleaning. i cleaned my sheets and vacuumed my floor. i couldn't sleep because my bug paranoia was getting so bad that i felt bugs crawling everywhere so i slept in the parlor instead of my bedroom. hopefully tonight i sleep a little better. didn't have much motivation to edit the site today, instead i started writing an outline on the dating sim i mentioned last time. i decided on the premise and what characters will be in it, so that's pretty exciting. ive also been reading a webtoon about isekai'd twins. it's okay so far, i like the art style. i wish i could remember more deeply about the webtoons ive read, i sorta binge them and then forget it, even if i really like it. this sucks because if i wanna reread something it's hard to bring myself to reread it since i know what happens.. it's okay though. i worked on the current media page a bit but it's far from done. my mom got me olive garden spaghetti for dinner, it was good. i also washed my nuis. today didn't feel too good but that's okay. things will get better. here's the picture of the day.

8/4/22 2:21AM

i don't think i've ever edited my website at a reasonable time of day. i always come across inspiration throughout my day but it's only at night do i finally find the energy and motivation to start editing my site. weird, innit? (i'm not british by the way, i just think adding innit to the end of my sentences is funny.) earlier today i looked at more visual novel resources and stuff. i really wanna make a full one right now but i know better than to just jump into it. i wanna make a short little visual novel/dating sim first. i was thinking of picking the most popular genshin character and make a little date sim. kinda like a date with tartaglia on roblox. i dunno just yet. i also hate drawing but also i love drawing but also i hate it and it makes me want to explode. whatever i guess. i'm sure i'll get around to it eventually. i also really wanna work on the page where i review and talk about media i've consumed. wehhhhhhh.. so much to do but i can only do so little at a time. i bought clothes today. just a plaid jacket/overshirt thing and a mask and gloves. i'm super paranoid about monkeypox and stuff, i hate being sick! i have in person college class so i'm just preparing i guess. also i did spiral abyss with klee today. i didn't 9* floor twelve, i usually get 6* but this time i only got 5*! i need to build her more and get better with her rotation and animation cancelling. she's really fun though, i adore her. i'll end this entry off with her build.

8/2/22 2:38AM

every now and then i get ovewhelmed with the urge to read webtoons/manwha/whatever. i end up going into my listography and going down the list to catch up with whatever i was reading before opening 800 tabs and reading a bunch more, adding them to my list if they particularly interest me. tonight is another such night. maybe i should make a page for media i've consumed and an honest rating and review? i also finished chapter one of hashihime of the old book town. i love you gay people. also, yesterday was yaoi day and girlfriend day, so shoutout to all the yaoi girlfriends out there! "yaoi girlfriends dont exist!" you proclaim, and yet my lesbian fujoshi friends will disagree. actually, earlier today i saw this person on twitter search yaoi and angrily reply to people saying yaoi in a positive manner. it was really funny, mostly because they were a kpop stan, particularly for a male group. a bit funny. why you may ask? because i generalize most kpop fans (especially those that are fans of men) as asian fetishizers. maybe this random burner account wasn't but it was pretty funny. i dont think yaoi is that serious, people should be allowed to enjoy it. there's a difference in appreciating/liking a genre and straight up fetishizing it. also, in the words of my mutual, yaoi is revenge for how men have treated women throughout history. but yeah, today was a day i guess. i wanna make a page for my ocs but if i think too long about that then i'll end up punching a hole in my wall.. i also cleaned out my vrchat friends list, i have horrible memory and decided to unfriend people i dont really remember or havent talked to in actual ages.. oh well. i've been adding images to my journal entries a lot lately. here's a picture to end this entry off. image host hi gregor. did you know he shares a voice actor with mr krabs? cool fact.